500 Miles

dear readers,

there may be a lot of posts pertaining to angela (whether bits of memory or full blown letters to her). please bear with me. so many of you understand how important she was and still is to me. like oh so many things we endure in life, it’s hard to get over it. it’s hard to forget. it’s hard to let go.

i recently spoke with henry on the phone. henry and angela have known each other since circa. henry was like a son to angela. or maybe a really fabulous nephew (as she tells me). she never once liked to admit she could ever be a “mother” to anyone, yet, she always mothered the ones close to her. did i mention she made me stop biting my nails? that she would yell at me when i wouldn’t dry my hair before going out in the cold? that my taste in men was “questionable?” exactly.

henry and i came together because of angela. and since her passing, we have stuck close to one another. it’s comforting. no one i know here knows angela in the same way. she was a very private person, trusting very little of the world and with good reason. the circle of friends she formed was a true circle of friends. it’s nice to share memories, tell stories and have a good laugh every once in a while. angela probably likes that henry and i can do that as well. she was such a character. it’s hard not to laugh at our experiences with her.

it’s hard not to remember. so many parts of my life remind me of her. what i drink, what i listen to, where i drive, where i shop, how i pick out groceries, who i love, what i read, how i present myself, etc. she is always there. in one year, she made that big of an impact. it’s crazy to believe, but it’s true. her life was larger than life itself. 

i called my aunt lynda on thanksgiving and she told me to carry angela with me. she wasn’t sure if i had anything tangile of hers or not. and i do. oh my good lord, i do. the most important thing? two purple ribbons, one light and one dark, that she tied in my hair one day. i tied them around the emergency brake in my car. if she needs to be with me anywhere, she needs to be with me in my car.  

so, over a glass of champagne (okay, let’s be honest…three glasses of champagne), i remember her. “if you could drink something right now, alcoholic, what would it be?” i asked her one day (at this time, she hadn’t had a drink in over two years). “champagne, of course. what kind of silly question is that?” 

well.

cheers, lady a. xo